Help: I can’t focus on my work because everyone in my house is shouting

We got a message through from a few people preparing for exams but who find it really hard because their houses are so loud. Here are some ideas for you:

Answer: Is it A) just the loudness of the noise or B) what is being said / going on around you?

A)If you think it’s just because your family talk loud to each other all the time, it may be that they haven’t learnt good communication skills over their life: Sometimes, to get extra attention, people shout. The problem with shouting, it can sometimes sound more angry than it’s meant to, and so shouting isn’t always the best way of communicating a clear message. Why don’t you try to help your family to speak quieter and slower: Don’t just say ‘Stop shouting’ because they may just shout back to you ‘I’m not shouting’ because they have no idea how loud they are. Sometimes talking to someone, pretending you’re going a bit deaf, and asking them to repeat what they said to you back clearly and slowly, strangely they often will reduce their volume. If you really don’t want to hear them, you can always buy ear plugs (the cost about £2 from Boots Pharmacy) or noise cancelling headphones (but don’t always just put on music as it can just be another load of noise!).

B)If you’re worried that your family are having lots of fights and arguments, and you’re concerned for their safety or concerned about what they’re saying then it can be really hard to focus on you work. Before you let your thinking affect your working think about this:

1) It’s OK for Parents to Argue Sometimes
Everyone argues from time to time. They might disagree about important things like finances, careers, or major family decisions. Or they might disagree about little things that don’t seem that important — like what’s for dinner or what time someone gets home.
It can be easy to jump to conclusions when you hear parents arguing. Thoughts might pop into your head like, “Does this mean they don’t love each other anymore?” Or, “Are they going to get a divorce?” But arguments don’t always mean the worst. Most of the time, they’re just a way to let off steam when parents have a bad day, don’t feel well, or are under a lot of stress. Like you, when parents get upset they might yell, cry, or say things they don’t really mean.
It’s natural for people to have different feelings, opinions, or approaches to things. Talking about these differences is a first step in working toward a solution. People in a family need to be able to tell each other how they feel and what they think, even when they disagree.

2)When Fighting Goes Too Far
Sometimes when parents fight, there’s too much yelling and screaming, name calling, and too many harsh things said. Although some parents may do this, it’s not OK to treat people in the family with disrespect, use degrading or insulting language, or yell and scream at them.

Occasionally fighting goes too far and includes pushing and shoving, throwing things, or hitting. Even if no one is physically hurt, an argument has gone too far when one parent uses threats to try to control the other through fear. It’s never OK if a parent does things like these:

  • threatens to hurt someone
  • destroys the other’s property
  • threatens to commit suicide
  • threatens to leave the other parent
  • threatens to report the other parent to protective services

When fights get physical or involve threats, it’s usually a sign that the people fighting could do with some help controlling themselves and managing their anger. This may mean speaking to a doctor, therapist, or religious leader or calling a helpline.

3)What About You?

 

It’s hard to hear parents yelling at each other. Seeing them upset and out of control can throw you off — aren’t adults, especially parents, supposed to be the calm, composed, mature ones in a family? How much parents’ fighting bothers you might depend on how often it happens, how loud or intense things get, or whether parents argue in front of other people.

It’s natural to worry about a parent who may feel hurt by what the other parent says. Maybe you worry that one parent could become angry enough to lose control and physically hurt the other. With all this extra mental and emotional turmoil, you may start to feel the signs of stress, like being tearful, getting stomachaches or headaches, or having trouble sleeping. If parents’ arguments start to get in the way of how well you eat, sleep, or pay attention in school, talk to a school counselor or teacher, or put a message on My Turn Around Message board and we’ll see whether we can help.

It can be especially upsetting if parents are arguing about you. But your parents’ arguments are never your fault. Parents are responsible for their own actions and behaviors, no matter how much they are provoked by another person.

 

How to be a genius without even trying

Do you know what the inside of a Russian prison looks like? Do you want to know how King Henry VIII died? Do you know what is in alcohol? Do you want to know why everyone seems to be interested in North Korea?

If you’re travelling everyday in the car or bus, why not learn about something you didn’t know about. You may have heard of podcasts, but if you haven’t tried them – you need to! That is actually what some of the cleverest people in the world do – they learn about everything everywhere they go! There is information out there that is sooo interesting, and if you’re bored on the bus – stop playing candy crush, put your head phones in and listen to something that you can learn something new about. The video here gives you some instructions on how to add podcasts to your phone, and at the bottom of the page I’ve added links to my favourite ones to check out. Enjoy!

The Wild Classroom (it films things in the wild without them knowing) – http://www.thewildclassroom.com/

Stuff to blow your mind (Did you know some people have been born with 100 teeth?!) – http://www.stufftoblowyourmind.com/podcasts/tag/stuff-from-the-science-lab/

VICE Videos – (this link takes you to ‘A guide to North Korea’) –
http://www.vice.com/en_uk/video/vice-guide-to-north-korea-1-of-3

Interviews

Teen Hero – Jack:

pic1 Jack was a victim of some severe bullying. The bullying started in Year 7 all because he came from a school that no other pupil had been to. Jack didn’t have anyone to hang around with and people would pick on him, beat him up or throw him in skips.
Jack decided that enough was enough and wanted to do something about it. Jack wanted to become an anti-bulling ambassador. These are people who look out for children who are vulnerable in school. Even though the school didn’t have enough funds, Jack still managed to make it happen.
Because of Jack’s efforts, the school has become a much happier and safer place to be, with people knowing that there is someone to turn to.
Jack has been able to stand to for something that was really important to him and to many others and has made a huge difference to the lives of many young people.
Watch Jack’s story here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/watch/p0295xmm

Turned his life around: Josh

pic2 Josh was assigned a youth support officer when he moved to Epsom in Surrey because he hadn’t been in education for many years; he had never had a proper job and had struggled with substance misuse issues for the past few years. Jack never really felt settled and didn’t have many proper friends.
Josh had no motivation even to get out of bed most days and was constantly arguing with my mother. Jack was always tired and although he loved playing sports, as the years went by he started smoking more and became really unfit. Jack also struggled with his temper and often lashed out, hitting walls and doors.
Jack found out about a new boxing project that was starting nearby, which involved boxing, sessions about understanding crime, getting work qualifications and help with finding work. Through this programme and one-to-one mentoring, Jack started to identify areas of his life at home where he could make improvements and develop himself in a more positive way.
After several months of being on the programme, Jack felt ready for work managed to get a full-time job. Jack is also now more responsible at home and I’m actively involved with helping my mother look after my little brother.
Read Jack’s story in full here: http://www.catch-22.org.uk/case-studies/josh/

Ask The Question

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Q&As

You may have lots of questions that you don’t know the answer to. These are some typical questions that you may be asking, with some answers you might find helpful.

How do I avoid drugs but still go to cool parties?

When alcohol and drugs are readily available at parties, you may feel peer pressure to use them as a way to fit in. Here are some tips on staying safe when you party:
– Find friends who don’t need drugs to party.
– Check out who’ll be at a party and what the plans are before you commit to something that may turn out to be an awkward situation for you.
– Know the facts about drugs.
– Stop to think before you make decisions that you might regret.
The cool crowds are the people who appreciate you for who you are, not for what you do or don’t do.

If you use drugs at a young age, does it mess up your life?
Science has shown that the earlier a person starts using drugs, the more likely he/she is to become addicted and suffer serious social and medical consequences. The reasons are complex. First, drugs affect the brain, and the brain is still maturing when a person is young—until early adulthood in fact. Thus, drugs can alter normal brain development. Second, people who use drugs when they are very young often have other problems that led to their drug use in the first place. For example, they may have difficult family situations or problems with depression or anxiety and use drugs to help them cope. Unfortunately, drug abuse just makes things worse in the long run and does not fix these problems. Third, using drugs can interfere with success in school, in sports, and in relationships with friends and family, creating more problems down the road.

Since early drug use can lead to later drug addiction and other problems, the best advice is not to even experiment with drugs. However, if someone is already using a drug, he/she should know that the earlier he/she stops, the more likely he/she is to avoid addiction and the other bad consequences associated with it.

My friend thinks I have a drinking and drug problem. What should I do?

Using alcohol or drugs regularly is usually just a step away from addiction (where you depend on these substances to feel good or get through your day).

Here are a few warning signs that someone may have a substance abuse problem:

  • relying on drugs or alcohol to have fun, forget problems, or relax
  • having blackouts
  • drinking or using drugs while alone
  • withdrawing or keeping secrets from friends or family
  • losing interest in activities that used to be important
  • performing differently in school (such as grades dropping and frequent absences)
  • building an increased tolerance to alcohol or drugs — gradually needing more and more of the substance to get the same feeling
  • lying, stealing, or selling stuff to get money for drugs or alcohol

It’s usually hard for people to recognize they have a problem, which is why friends or family often step in. Quitting is hard to do, and many people find they can’t do it without help. The best thing you can do is to talk to someone you trust — preferably an adult who can support you — so you don’t have to deal with your problem alone.

My parents have a drinking problem, but every time I try to talk about it they say I shouldn’t worry and they’re getting help. Who can I talk to?

Having a parent with a drinking problem or other addiction can be extremely tough. Alcohol and other addictions affect everyone in a family — but sometimes parents don’t realize this.

Even when parents are getting the help they need, sons and daughters have their own questions, concerns, emotions, and needs to sort through. Talking about all this with someone — whether it’s a friend, counsellor, or religious leader — is a healthy thing to do.

I think I might be depressed. I’m having a hard time paying attention in class. I just feel sad for no reason, like I can’t cope. I told my parents, and they took me to a doctor because I was also having headaches and stress. My check-up was normal. My mum listens and tries to help me feel better. My dad says I’m just not trying hard enough at school. Maybe he’s right. What should I do?

Sometimes, friends or family members recognize that someone is depressed. They may respond with love, kindness, or support, hoping that the sadness will soon pass. They may offer to listen if the person wants to talk. If the depressed feeling doesn’t pass with a little time, friends or loved ones may encourage the person to get help from a doctor, therapist, or counsellor.

But not everyone recognizes depression when it happens to someone they know or love.

Some people don’t really understand about depression. For example, they may react to a depressed person’s low energy with criticism, saying the person is acting lazy or not trying. Some mistakenly believe that depression is just an attitude or a mood that someone can shake off. They don’t realize it’s not that easy.

Sometimes, even people who are depressed don’t take their condition seriously enough. Some feel that they are weak in some way, or disappointing others because they are depressed. This isn’t right — and it can even be harmful if it causes people to hide their depression and avoid getting help.

Occasionally, when depression causes physical symptoms (things like headaches or other stress-related problems), a person may see a doctor. Once in a while, even a well-meaning doctor may not realize somebody is depressed. He or she may just pay attention to the physical symptoms.

Talk to your parents again. Tell them how you feel. You might mention that you’ve been reading up on depression and, based on the symptoms you are having, you think that might be what’s going on with you. If it’s easier, show your parents one of our articles on depression.

Ask your parents to arrange for you to meet with a counsellor or therapist to find out how you can feel better.
If you feel like you’re not getting anywhere with your parents, talk to your school counsellor.
 This is just the type of thing counsellors are there to help solve — especially when it is affecting your schoolwork. Your counsellor also may be able to help you when it comes to talking to your parents.

Feedback

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We have been asking students and teachers for their feedback on Innerviews. This is what they have said.

Students:

What did you find interesting?
“How he was in jail… But he changed his ways and is a better person”
“Carl’s story of how he managed to turn his life around”
“The drastic change to his character due to past events”
“his story is really interesting and he has really good tips”

How could the assembly be improved?
“Tell us more”
“You cant, it was too good”
“Make it longer”

Teachers:

What did you find helpful?
Real life experiences, showing how even if we make mistakes in life, we can always work hard to put the right”
“Students were very inspired”
“The frank and unpatronising nature of the talk”

Would you recommend it to other schools?
“Yes – Good honest approach students can relate to”
“Yes – Very informative and inspirational”
“Yes – Honest and clear message”

Motivation

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We want to inspire young people to see that change and turnaround is definitely possible. We hope that you find these quotes and videos inspirational and encourage you on your journey of change.

Quote of the Month

“Whatever the mind and can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve!”

Napoleon Hill

Video of the Month

Story of the Month:

Jack

Jack was a victim of bullying in school, but he wanted to do something about it. Jack became an anti-bullying ambassador at his school and has been able to turn a negative into a positive.

Read more about Jack’s story here: www.bbc.co.uk/cbbc/watch/p0295xmm

What inspires you? Tell us what or who has helped you make a change in your life so that we can share it with others.

Innerviews

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This project sees speakers go into schools and relate how they were able to change their lives from a negative path to a positive. The talks are held in an informative and structured way, which allows listeners to take away key information on the individual steps that were integral in creating change.

Speakers:

Carl Davis (born July 1987)

carl one eighty

My aspirations are to achieve continuous success, in my own personal, ever-changing ways

Born with his parents separated, Carl initially grew up with his mother and experienced a lot of physical and emotional abuse. At 12 years old social services became involved in his life and he was moved into the care of his father, a lack of trust and communication affected this relationship.

He experienced being bullied, as well as being a bully himself, alcohol use, drug use and crime. School was a playground for him; he did not see the use in learning. and so left school with low grades

At the age of 18 the chaotic lifestyle caught up with him and he was sent to prison in 2006, serving 5 and a half years. During this time, through hard work, soul searching,  and engaging with educational and behavioral courses Carl began to slowly change his ways. These efforts were so fruitful that before leaving prison he was already studying at Oxford Brookes university!!!

Carl’s interests are stated as being continuing self improvement, marketing, business, weight-training, martial arts and motivational speaking.

He has also been a mentor with individual teenagers, a partner in an exercise business, and is the vice president of PR in his local Toastmasters club.

His motivational story centres around the 5 steps that were integral to his change:

. Mend family relationships

. Finding out who is influencing me

. Educating myself

. Setting goals

. Taking control of actions

 

Ryan Warren:

warren one eighty.jpg 1

 

I was brought into this world by a 17-year-old single woman who was addicted to drugs. By the age of 8, I was acting as the father to my 3 younger siblings, who were eventually separated and we got put into different foster homes . I was constantly bullied for my disheveled appearance, my situation at home, and not having a father. Going through all of this resulted in a lot of anger and pain that I kept bottled up inside of me. Yet, even by the age of 13, I knew I wanted to be someone important and use this struggle inside of me to do something good.

I know deep down to the core that my calling in this life is to help others realise what they are capable of and achieve their goals. I came from a place of ache, like so many people do, and it is my ambition to show everyone that you can still attain your dream no matter how humble your life may have once been, or may still be. I am here to inspire others and give them to the tools they need to succeed.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9CRg_VCvnrA

If you are interested in the inner views project being in your school, contact us using the form below

 

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About Us

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My Turn Around (MTA) was created to be a gateway between teenagers and positive sources of information. Information which could be crucial in helping them to achieve their goals, ambitions and dreams. Whether its a motivational video, an article, a quote, or even the contact details of a community organisation. MTA aims to CONTRIBUTE and INSPIRE!!!